Happy Ending Massage or Tantric Massage?

As a Somatic Sex Coach, premature ejaculation is probably the number one concern that clients bring to me. Often in Tantric Massages I will teach clients who experience premature ejaculation, techniques that enable them to have more choice about when they ejaculate.

The thing about Tantric Massage is that it draws on a philosophy for wholistic living created and practiced by the ancient Indian Tantrikas, much of which was later adopted into early Hinduism and Tibetan Buddhism. In the West, we sought the wisdom of the East and have since widely focussed on the sexual elements of the Tantric approach. These includes honouring sexual energy as a vital life force energy and as such is to be respected, cultivated and nurtured. Sexual energy in this context is used in very specific ways to maintain the vitality of the body and mind and for connection to something greater than ourselves. Authentic Tantric Massage builds on these foundational beliefs and includes elements of learning to honour our sexual energy and in so doing can help to :

  • Reduce shame and anxiety around sex
  • Replace sleaze with honour, clarity and consent
  • Enable a deeper respect for and constructive choices around the body, sex and relating
  • Allows energy centres, known as Chakras to become unblocked

Employing Tantric principles and working in this way can be incredibly empowering for the men I work with. And is often a solution they have sought long after they have exhausted all other medical, medicinal and alternative interventions.

Prostate massage can be included as part of the Tantric Massage. Medical studies have long since proven that the tissue that makes up the prostate gland in men is the same that is found in the Urethral Crest (otherwise known as the G spot in women). And as such can be just as pleasurable in its stimulation for men as it can be for women.

Tantric practitioners have long known this to be the case and honour the prostate (the P Spot) and the G spot with the same sacred reverence. Accessing the P spot for some men can be incredibly powerful – inducing states of pleasure and self acceptance that help reduces shame, address sexual difficulties and heal trauma.

I often talk about Tantric Massage as being purely for pleasure and this is true. And it is also true that it can be a far deeper experience than that. Often clients who are too embarrassed to seek the therapeutic services that I offer, will come for Tantric Massage and from there gain the confidence to talk about what is blocking their sexuality and seek ways to address these. Many clients will then choose to join The Men’s Programme to develop greater skills in relation to pleasure and technique.

My understanding of a ‘happy ending massage’ is that it is purely for gratification. It is about the meeting of a need to connect with another person and to ejaculate. I have no judgement about these services as I believe that the digital age, increasing social isolation and with the as yet unknown outcomes of the COVID-19 lockdown, scientifically proven conditions known as touch deprivation and skin hunger are becoming an increasing reality. And so I believe that sexual massage is a perfectly legitimate way for people to get some connection and some relief. However this is not what I offer, My intention is to support people to find sexual empowerment and in so doing can find fulfilment in themselves and in relationship rather that getting their needs met in less honouring and less sustainable ways.

You could liken this to the saying – give a hungry man fish to eat and his hunger will be met for one day, give him the tools and teach him to fish and he will be hungry no more.

I don’t believe it is stretching the metaphor too far to say that sexual massage is the fish, a temporary satiation. What I offer, however, through Tantra and other complimentary teachings is the learning to meet the hunger every day. Experiences that support the acquisition of knowledge, skills and tools that enable men to go forward in making choices for lasting satisfaction and contentment both sexually and in relationships.

So for me, there is a very clear distinction between temporary sexual gratification that comes from a Happy Ending Massage and the possibilities for longer term sexual fulfilment and learning that comes from the Tantra that I offer.

Click here to arrange a Free Discovery Call  to find out more about the Tantric Massage I offer and other complementary programmes to help you gain the skills and experience you need to reach your full sexual potential.  

Sian Johnson.


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