By Angel Arts, founder of Secret Sauce Angel. Notes from talking to men
Starting to talk dirty can be super intimidating. Seriously, how do you start the dirty talk? How do you start when you’ve been together for a while but you haven’t done it together before? Don’t worry, the tips are coming. I’ve asked a lot of men about it, and even got an adult content creator and sex chat tester to share some secrets with us. Luckily, they were all really happy (and excited!) to give advice on how to talk dirty cleverly even if you’re a little shy.
So here are the secret tips from men you need to know to move from a complete novice to a dirty talking pro.
Start with little things and notice how you feel and how your partner reacts, especially if it’s something you’ve never said before. Start the lighter way. Describe what you’re doing, what things feel like, what you want to do to him and what you want to be done to yourself. This is a safe technique, you can do it easily and test the waters. Jump in and wait for response.
Keep it simple, start with basic things. “Mmm… you taste so good, baby…” is great during intimacy. “You are too sexy” is awesome for a sext or when you’re out having drinks at a bar.
Once you’ve used a dirty phrase, you can start using it more regularly with your partner. But don’t stop on one. Think about a few phrases you can handle in advance. Write them down in your phone notes or on a piece of paper so you can get to them easily.
When creating your phrases, Jason recommends using primary senses: “I want to see you naked in my kitchen tonight” (sight); “You smell nice” (smell; say it after you’ve had sex to bring the memory of your passionate shag back); “Can’t wait to taste you” (taste); “I miss your skin on my skin” (touch)… When in doubt, go back to the above: describe what you are doing; what you want to do to your partner, what he is doing to you, or what you want to be done to you.
Generally, these could be separated into following: romantic terms (e.g. “making love”), formal/medical terms (e.g. “sexual talk,” “having a sexual intercourse”), slang terms (e.g. “doing it”), and raunchy terms (e.g. ” You own me”, “F-ck me. Don’t stop!”). If you’re fresher to dirty talk or you have a new partner, start carefully. Sometimes people think that they have to go all the way to succeed at dirty talk, but continuously deep dirty talk can get vulgar fast.
If you’re shy, telling your partner what you’re hoping to do with tonight using romantic terms.
Sexy talk isn’t always a success, and some words can be offensive in the day-to-day life but can be really hot in bed. For example, being told how hot and wet our “c” word is in bed can be a real turn-on, but not everybody would like it said or texted in the middle of the day. There can also be certain words which you or your partner don’t like or find off-putting.
To figure out what kind of dirty talk works best for both of you, communicate it. You can sit down together and grab a few of your favourite phrases and turn them into your dirty talk pronto. Or you can take some time and write – on paper or via email – lists of words and phrases which arouse you and the ones which turn you off. I guarantee, some phrases and words which you find particularly exciting can be a complete turn-off for a certain partner. And who wants that? Make sure you both know what you like and what you don’t like to hear, that’s the key to successful dirty talk and amazing sex.
Reading erotic stories and watching erotic films is a great way to stimulate your brain, awaken fantasies and provoke discussions about what you’d like and not like to do in intimacy. You can read parts of an erotic story to each other, or read different books and retell them to each other. You can watch a film together, or watch it and retell it to your partner, say what sexual thing you particularly liked or sext him about it. You may even attempt to write a story yourself!
Erotica is a very powerful tool to fuel yours and your partner’s libidos and improve your dirty vocabulary. You can find some books with erotic stories on Amazon or any online/offline bookstore that you have in your country. You can also visit literotica.com and find some free 100% original stories written by different authors who just want to share their fiction and fantasy stories. And also keep an eye on the erotica section in our blog – we’re adding more and more hot erotic stories there.
When it comes to erotic films, check out the Secret Sauce Angel’s Instagram guide “Films for Libido”. We had a sexy challenge recently when we’d share erotic film suggestions with our followers for 21 weeks. Check it out, people said it was fun!
I can hear you thinking about porn and wondering why I haven’t mentioned it here. It’s easy to love good porn, it can be very arousing. It can be very fun to watch it together or on your own when playing with yourself. But when it comes to developing our sexual brains, awakening fantasising and erotic thinking, porn isn’t very helpful. It shows us a sexual act instead of giving us hints and encouraging us to imagine what it would be like and how it could go. It mostly leaves no chance for imagination, unless you imagine that that girl is you and that guy is your partner.
Porn doesn’t show intercourse the way it really works, and it’s important to be aware of the difference. For instance, in porn the man is always hard, the woman is always aroused and wet, they often orgasm together in positions which actually hurt and shouldn’t be repeated in life. It’s just not how it works in life, and it’s important to know it and to make sure your partner knows it, too. Learn how arousal and pleasure really work and teach your partner about it, it’ll end up in way more fun and pleasure and no unrealistic expectations.
Do you feel a bit embarrassed to start? Dirty talk can feel frightening or uncomfortable at times. To get rid of the awkwardness of facing your partner, blindfold him and whisper in his ear. Or even record a little something when he’s not there so you can get a feel for which dirty phrases come most naturally to you and don’t get stuck in your mouth mid-way. You just need to get used to saying these, practice and it’ll come to you.
Phone sex is a great way to start talking dirty even if you feel shy about making eye contact. Because of its natural way, phone sex pushes you and your partner to talk dirty to one another, making it a great way to ease yourself to slowly start into dirty talk.
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