I was 22 when it dawned on me how limiting talk therapy can be to get to the crux of my sexual energy that was speaking to me loud and clear every day. I’d read the books, spoken to friends and still had this niggling feeling that my sex was guiding me to feel something.
It wasn’t until I was 25 that I would be given the opportunity to be in my sexual expression in front of another with absolutely no expectations or desire, and be faced with depth of the aloneness that had me clinging to codependency in my romantic partnerships.
When I finally got to the nucleus of this feeling it was a shock, through my orgasm I bolted up right and felt like the only person on the planet. Millions of miles away from anyone I loved or knew. I shook there for a moment as they watched me come back to my breath.
I was in Brazil at a sexuality training being witnessed for one of the first times in my sexual expression. I didn’t really understand how this would work or help but through edging towards the vulnerability and the conditioning that had built up over a lifetime, telling me I should always hide my erotic energy from others, I was able to breath in the possibility that I’d be okay.
From there everything changed. Like all the places I felt blocked in my life started to drop away, especially around my sexuality. My orgasms grew stronger, my ability to speak my truth and ask for what was on my heart started to increase, my career seemed to have a life of its own as I was aligned with all the right people to take me to what I needed to learn and guide me to the next step for growing my own business.
I began to explore more of my own masturbation practice and noticed how I would often feel dissatisfied and longing to be met by a partner. I spoke to a friend who had chosen a similar line of work and suggested we practice together to support one another. This wasn’t through any desire to be with each other sexually. This felt more like a spiritual practice of innocence and exploration.
Again everything changed. Instead of moving into my regular patterns of friction based stimulation I noticed my breath regulate with hers. The vulnerability of being witnessed by another shifted me from my usual patterns into a deeper layer of sensuality. Every time we would practice together I felt I learnt more and gained so much clarity for my own life.
There was so much occurring and unfolding without words in this experience. I saw a clear difference between what masturbation was, when my mind was asking my body to experience arousal, pleasure and orgasm and this goal orientated experience. Versus when I was given my body the space to guide me with no goal or destination to reach. Without the goal I was creating the space to wake every cell up to whatever wanted to be expressed, sometimes that was emotions, deeper layers of nurturing and other times it was ground shaking pleasure that rippled up through every inch of me. This felt different to masturbation, I began to call it self pleasure after that.
These wild encounters had me needing to know more. I spent the next two years witnessing people self pleasure, holding workshops for men and women to be in their self pleasure. Inviting them to understand their anatomy and what was possible when they reconnected to the erotic innocence inside of them and stepped out of needing their sexual energy to be directed to others outside of themselves. I learnt a lot and the results spoke for themselves. The people who committed to this practice saw dramatic transformations for their health, relationships, finances and their career. It seemed wherever they were focusing their energy there were shifts.
After sometime of doing my counselling degree and compiling the theories of Jung, Gestalt and somatic therapy together a modality of self pleasure was born. I created a school called the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy where men and women could come and study how to discover the depths of their sexual essence through this practice and simultaneously help others with theirs.
It has blown me away how popular this work has been and many of our students have gone on to create their own careers in helping others with their sexuality.
I see a world where eros is integrated into society. Free to be felt in our bodies in its full expression. And free to live in the world without corruption, guilt, shame and dogma causing it to become distorted.