Masturbation: it’s the best worst kept secret in the world.
There’s probably not a person who hasn’t at least tried it, and most of us do it regularly.
But when was the last time you had a conversation about it – beyond a bit of tittering titillation? When was the last time you shared with anyone how you turn yourself on, what you do, and why you do it?
How did you learn?
None of us have really been taught how to masturbate, and often what we are taught about masturbation is that it’s shameful and should be secret or invisible.
From an early age many people develop masturbation habits based on speed, silence and restricted movement, in order to get as quickly as possible to the perceived goal of ejaculation or genital orgasm.
But if you don’t know how to access your breath, sound, and movement, and if your touch only focusses on your genitals, you’re not going to get the fullest experience of pleasure that your body is capable of!
And while it’s true that we learn through repetition – the trouble with most self-pleasure is that it tends to be at best only functional, at worst disconnected.
Which might explain why so many people also struggle to find real pleasure in sexual interactions with a partner.
Practice makes perfect
The good news is: just as your neural pathways may have become stuck in patterns which don’t really provide you with authentic pleasure (or any pleasure at all), it’s equally possible to use conscious repetition to re-build how you experience sensation.
You can (re)learn to respond to what you’re really feeling in your body rather than what your mind (or your media) tells us you should find arousing.
Mindful masturbation is a conscious practice – in a similar way to the practice of mindful meditation, or yoga – an opportunity to really spend time focusing on your body, without judgement, first and foremost.
In order to do this effectively it helps to set aside dedicated time, space, and an intention for the session, and this is where having a coach to support you with in-depth techniques, practical advice and regular encouragement can make all the difference.
Listen to your body
Forget about what you ‘think you know’ about your body – either good or bad.
Mindful masturbation practice is a chance for you to explore beyond those boundaries, with curiosity and without judgement… to see what your body can tell you about yourself.
There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. Every body is different. Every time can be different. So finding what works for YOU, moment to moment, is the key.
What mindful masturbation practice can help with
Those I have coached have often found this practice to yield incredibly positive changes for themselves, surprisingly quickly.
From people fed-up with experiencing numbness or lack of sensation in their genitals, to those struggling with porn and fantasy, to folk afraid to trust their own body in an intimate partner situation…and even someone who thought they would never achieve orgasm again, yet re-discovered it in only a few sessions of personal practice!
Work with me…
Pleasuring your own self has the potential to take you far beyond the kind of functional masturbation (limited by speed and secrecy) which most of us have become habituated to:
- “I do it to relieve tension, like scratching an itch”,
- “I know what I like and I like what I know”,
- “I find it hard to get aroused without porn or fantasy”
My online Pleasure In Yourself coaching package offers you the chance to spend the time, and take the care, to explore what your body truly finds pleasurable, and where that pleasure can take you.
It’s the perfect opportunity to learn how to build a relationship with yourself – which can ultimately lead to a more nourishing intimacy with others.
Image by drobotdean freepik.com