What’s the difference between learning and experiencing?

Article By: Michael Dresser 

Mindful sex and intimacy coaching sessions with me involve a number of elements. Learning and Experiencing are two of the most important. But how do they differ?

All mindful sex and intimacy coaching sessions with me are like a learning lab where you can explore safely, freely and without judgment. Somewhere you can learn, build and practice your skills.

And we tend to learn better when we can feel something in the body. So all sessions with me are also about experiencing as well as learning.

Depending on the nature of our work, or the package you’ve chosen, the focus may sometimes be more on experiencing, sometimes more on learning; but both elements will always be present.

Safer learning experiences

Learning about sex and intimacy in your own body can sometimes be a challenging process, so I use what’s known as a ‘titration model’ to keep it as safe as possible.

Titration means short experiences, which allow you to feel, with plenty of space for your body to absorb what it experiences. Then ample reflection time for the experiences to be installed and remembered emotionally and cognitively.

Learning this way also supports you to rewire previous negative experiences without your body shutting down or being retraumatised.

Learning versus quick fix

You may notice a temptation to rush for a quick fix, but going slowly is the key to deeper learning and real change.

Although you may feel, and your body may have, a variety of experiences, at the heart of every session with me is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself.

This is different from the kind of standalone ‘peak experience’ you might have in a treatment or purely experiential session like a massage.

What is an experience?

An experience is an event or occurrence which leaves you feeling different than you did before it

Depending on your intention in any given moment, an experience – for you – might range anywhere from the simple profound power of being witnessed or heard, to the physical nourishment of being held or cuddled. Or it might be the opportunity to engage with erotic pleasure and arousal.

All of these things are possible in sessions with me.

Pleasure, intimacy and sex are, by their very nature, about exploration and curiosity. Our bodies are not static – just because something felt good yesterday, doesn’t necessarily mean it will today. So it helps to be fully in the moment.

When touch and pleasure are involved it can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between Coaching and Treatment. Learn more about that here



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